Day 5, 360 blessed days to go....

Turkey Day!! Do you think it was a bad day or a good day?

Come on now, I TOLD you I was super charged and ready to take on the world!
Great day! I got to indulge and have friends and family surrounding me and pumpkin pie.
It's just not Thanksgiving until you get your pumpkin pie! I did really good, still had a little of
everything I wanted, just smaller portions than usual Turkey day.

We headed over to Juan's parents home for an amazing spread and it was great not
to cook myself, we brought drinks and the pumpkin pies:). Hanging out with all the nephews
was really fun and they are so funny all together.

Scale says: 188.5
Feel thinner though, probably has something to do with not pigging out too hard core
Happiness level: 10 of 10
Motivation level: 10 of 10

Today I am thankful for:
Juan
Family
Amazing friends who love me just the way I am
My birthdays, some people are not as fortunate and I will never cry on another birthday
My job
The USA
The Aggies pulling out that win against tu
Phones, my one passport to spending quality time with my family
My Home
Great home cooked food, thanks Maria, Juan and Celeste!
Gospel
My health
My freedoms
My numerous blessings
All the things I can't remember

Happy happy Thanksgiving!

Third day of the 28th year....

Alright, I'm not unhappy, just unsatisfied every time I look in the mirror. I'm not miserable, just posting my inner diaglouge and self-motivation to ensure I stick to doing something about this extra poundage lingering around my hips, thighs and waistline. I think confronting it openly and honestly will help me conquer it and get back in touch with the "healthy" me.

I have so very much I am eternally and unequivocally gratful for.

But releasing those thoughts and sad feelings has me super-charged, ready to take on the world, so I'd have to say, it's worth it!

Stats on my third day of being 28:

Weight: 188.5
Size: 14
Happiness level: 10 out of 10
Motivation level: 10 out of 10

Yes, the scale says I gained a 1/2 a pound....but guess what....I feel better. It's going to be a great year! Thanks for all the support!

What AM I thinking?

I turned 28 years old yesterday. The crying started shortly after midnight. I've never cried on a birthday before, ever.

Suddenly in my head, my "top 5" reasons for being so overwhelmed popped up:

1) I'm old- Okay, I feel old, not technically old
2) I'm fat
3) I'm feeling ugly- keyword "feel"
4) I'm unsuccessful- As far as career stuff goes
5) I'm an emotional basket case

And I'm downright unhappy. I have tons. I want tons. I'm fairly certain this post will earn me points as a bi-polar personality. But I'm drowning here. Drowning in my own self-made misery.

And I think of all the things that are bothering me most on my top 5, it's number 2 causing this little tizzy. I hate fat rolls. HATE fat rolls. I hate cellulite. I hate not being able to breathe in my size 14 pants. Yep, size 14, 188 pounds of pure, unadulterated fat. It's out there now. ALL of it. I'm done. I feel sick when I eat sugared cereal. I feel guilty when I think of greasy, fried food. And yet, I can't stop. I've become an emotional eater. I used to be an emotional workout freak. WHERE has that dear friend gone?

You know what, I don't really care about losing myself to find myself. I don't want to fake like I'm happy. And no, I don't really care about the inner beauty inside because it's being masked by large volumes of fat, fat, fat. I'm simply fat. And it's affecting me more and more everyday. And yet, I do nothing to change? Where is my motivation? What in tarnation will get this fat, huge asteroid of a butt off me? I look in the mirror and the truth has never been so evident. I'm lardy. Lardy! Pictures are taboo. Because I don't want evidence of how huge I am forever documented in living proof. I keep telling myself, I'll change. I'll workout and things will get better. But I don't.

So, today, on my second official day of being 28, I'm taking a stand, albeit a fatty one. I'm getting this stupid 70 lbs off me once and for all and I'm taking prisoners if anyone tells me I'm crazy, or I look beautiful just the way I am. Say nothing if those are the thoughts that come to mind. I need friends who ask me what I've done today to feel better, to lose the weight, to let my inner beauty shine through by working on the outside. Yep, it's shallow. Deal with it.

Goal: Lose 70 lbs by Christmas 2011 (that works out to about 1.2 pounds per week, which is supposedly a healthy weight loss goal)

I'd post a picture of "before", but like I said, taboo.

The "time-out bench"

Nope, no kids to put on the time-out bench. And no, not expecting one or two kiddos just yet.

I've lovingly referred to our bench in the front entry of our home as our-time out bench. While wonderfully crafted, there was not much going on for it, other than being crafted well:

Which is why it makes a fabulous time-out bench. If there's nothing going on, it's not much fun to sit on. Well, now, it's the walk-in-the-door, stop-for-a-moment, rest-your-keister and take- off-your-shoes bench. TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES!! I'm sorry, I'm big on this. Shoes removed give your floor so much more TIME. And saving the floors means I can spend money on other things. Like spray paint for toilet-paper-roll art (idea found here: http://www.designspongeonline.com/2009/11/diy-project-toilet-paper-roll-wall-art.html). And stain for the bench:

I tried to be artistic and capture the high gloss shine of the bench AND my favorite pillow AND the light, but I have no training in these things. And I was using my phone camera. Yeah, real artistic Kourtney. You tried so hard on that one, didn't you?

Well, I tried, what else matters?

All in all, a super duper busy October leads to a time-out bench I can't really call a time-out bench anymore. I mean who WOULDN'T want to sit here?

Hiatus, however...

I'm still getting crafts and cards up on the 'Sisters formerly known as Hansen' craft blog, 'Pile o Craft'. I mean let's face it, does anyone really read the blog unless it's hilariously entertaining or very well written? Pictures are worth so much more.

With no further ado, please check out our latest creations:

http://www.pileocraft.blogspot.com/

I'll post a button or something :). As soon as I remember how.

Feeling Fall and Lovely...

Excuse the tirade from last week. There's no excuse, it was a valid post at the time.

I really do feel lovely and happy and fine now.

So I don't have to post twice:

www.pileocraft.blogspot.com

Raa raa, ooo la la....

Bad romance? Yes. Bad romance with my husband? Nah, that's not it. He actually makes me feel pretty darn good.

"I want, I want, I want...." I've tried taming the beast, but alas, I am human. I want material things. And not trivial, unimportant things. Nooooo, I have to want things like a new dining table, a new car, designer decorated rooms, 'complete' sets of dinnerware and flatware and serving dishes. Why is my natural (wo)man getting to me so exquisitely?

On a lighter note, I feel depressed. Ha, see, now my trivial wants don't seem so trifling, do they?

I'd make a list of things I'm grateful for, but I don't wanna. Nope, today is an air-out-the-dirty-laundry, make-myself-feel-better-by-getting-it-all-off-my-chest day. Am I even allowed to put this into my journal? Yeah, that's right, I'm lazy and use my unattended blog as a journal. Shut your mouth.

Okay, I don't have any right to feel depressed. I don't have any right to feel unblessed, cause I'm not. I don't want to bloom where I'm planted today. I don't want to pretend everything is perfect and lovely. I'm not going to fake it til I make it today. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe never.

Instead, I'm going to be onery, uptight, and pitiful, woe is me. WOE IS ME!


Dripping with sarcasm today, my dear? No, never. Not me. I'm done.

I'm so happy and lovely and great!